Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ready To Take A Chance Again....

I quit my job.

That may sound trivial, but to me it’s pretty big. Having a steady job with a reliable income has always been an important part of my world. Having a roof over your head, making sure bills got paid, making sure basic needs were provided for--food, clothes, incidentals, education, health care--not to mention the extra things that come along from day to day. It still amazes me how I managed to accomplish what I did on such meager means. So to just wake up and decide that this is the day you are going to quit your job--your steady, secure, well-paying, benefit-providing, union-backed job--well, it just didn’t seem logical. But I had to make a decision to either stay with the secure job or take a chance and live the life I’ve always known I should be living. So, I quit my job.

I must admit, even a month later I still have moments when I think I should go back. Moments when I think if I go to my former employer and explain that I had a few weak days of temporary insanity, they would have pity on me and invite me back into the fold with full benefits and my seniority completely restored. But they are mere moments of anxiety that tend to pass quickly and I soon remember how lucky I am to have this chance to live my dream.

I really don’t miss the job at all. I do miss the people I worked with, and I miss the energetic pace of the job….I even miss some of the customers. As a matter of fact, some of them even unknowingly helped me to make the decision to quit. They unconsciously reminded me how short life is, how something as simple as a smile or a hug can mean the world to another, and how strong of a force love can be. They reminded me not to be too quick to judge someone just by the way they act or the way they look, and to always try to see what’s underneath the exterior. At times, after the drudgery of doing the same job day in and day out until I became numb from running on the treadmill of life, they even helped me to remember that I could feel things like happiness and heartache. I will always be thankful to them for that.

So here I am, home everyday, self-employed and making my own schedule. I take the jobs I choose to take, making all the decisions and learning as I go. I haven’t had this much free time in years, and I sometimes have no idea what to do with it. I’m sure that will change though. I don’t regret giving up the secure job. Most would think of it as financial suicide, but I don’t. It’s not the balance of my bank account that determines how successful and happy I am. The way I see it, if you are unhappy in your life, it doesn’t matter how much money you have. Some of the happiest times in my life happened when I was totally broke. The lessons I have learned while living are more valuable to me than any material item could ever be, and the people who have taught me those lessons--well, to me they are angels sent from above to guide me. So I will continue to follow this unpredictable path I have chosen for myself one step at a time, watching for clues from the angels along the way.